I Can’t Fit In My Pants And 24 Other Things I’m Not Grateful For This Thanksgiving Season

It’s finally here! I’m thrilled to be back with my 2nd annual list of that which I’m most ungrateful. If you enjoyed this segment last year, then buckle up, my friends, cuz nothing screams “Thanksgiving” like a woman with a shit ton of complaining to do!

Can I get a drumroll up in hurr??? Here’s 25 things I’m not grateful for:

1. I can’t fit in my pants cuz I’m on a quarantine diet of eating whatever the fuck I want.
2. Wessy’s 9 month (and counting…) “phase” of perpetual, ear-piercing screams that have cost me my sanity and hearing.
3. People who wear masks with their nose out.
4. My mustache.
5. Marinara sauce with no meat.
6. Being born with full eyebrows but plucking them out to oblivion so now I have to pencil them in.
7. Super+ tampons being the best fit after birthing 2 kids.
8. Anyone talking about how amazing their relationship is when I’m currently mad at my husband.
9. People who dance on Instagram.
10. Schitt’s Creek coming to an end.
11. Cereal and cracker boxes that are overly difficult to open.
12. Shape Tape and how overpromoted such a terrible product is.
13. Those who lack the understanding of when to correctly use then or than.
14. Essential Oils.
15. People who don’t give a fuck about racial injustice.
16. Brandi Glanville’s cameo on RHBH.
17. Selecting not to receive promotional e-mails after ordering something online, and subsequently receiving promotional e-mails.
18. How long it takes me to scroll to my birth year.
19. There hasn’t been a Tiger King Season 2.
20. Our culture’s obsession with never growing (read: looking) old.
21. When you wanna talk pop culture with someone and they’re reading a book (every time I call my sister).
22. Having a canker sore every year on Thanksgiving.
23. When your need for alone time contradicts someone’s need for attention.
24. Diarrhea.
25. Artwork and/or pictures that are hung too high.

And there ya have it! What are you ungrateful for this year?? Don’t hold back! It’s 2020 afterall…

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